RFK Jr’s All-Roadkill Food Truck Menu
Making America Full Again
America is in a nutrition crisis. We need to stop eating highly-processed, chemical-filled fast food, or every one of our children will have autism by the year 2027. But why eat a hamburger with mysterious FDA-approved meat when nature’s bounty lies at the end of your driveway?
That’s why I, RFK Jr., somehow the nephew of one of America’s most inspirational presidents of all time, am opening a food truck. We will serve nothing but the finest foraged meats, personally selected by your Secretary of Health and Human services on my way to the office each morning.
You can find us parked near the intersection of I-295 and I-495 for an authentic “farm to table” experience. Just check the roof for the “Catch of the Day.”
Sandwiches
$21 BLT: Badger, Lynx, and Tortoise. Available seasonally when I go to the Southwest to get my tan on.
$19 The Roben: A classic American grilled sandwich with Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, Thousand Island dressing, and this stunned songbird that flew into my freshly washed window.
$14 Grilled Cheese: It’s not cheese. It’s … something else.
Platters
“Whale of a Meal”: 85 pounds of grilled sperm whale blubber (Market price).
$25 Rocky Raccoon: Freshly severed raccoon genitals served over sprouted alfalfa and quinoa.
$28 Steak Bearnaise: It’s the most intact parts of a bear I found rotting in the woods, smothered in a blended emulsion of bear viscera with eggs I stole from my neighbor’s parakeet.
Sides
$14 Bear Claws
$16 Hush puppies
Drinks
$4 Water mixed with this blue shit I read about on MAHA Facebook.
$5 Alpaca milk that’s been sitting on the counter all day.
$5 Unsweetened iced tea.
$8 Bear piss.